the knots you untie...

as september grinds to a halt and the end of the year seems to be about as inevitable as the browns having a less than winning season...i figured i would take a look at what the next three months will entail.

(as of october 1)

91 days...
14 weeks...
5,460 hours...
327,600 minutes...
6 pay checks
4 holidays
9 college game days...
13 NFL sundays...
8 walking with dinosaur shows
1 rock concert
3 days of arenacross
1 night of tumbling and awesomely bad disney channel music
3 days of food & wine
6 performances with mickey and co

1 very important addition to my "family"
4 dancing irishmen
1 rock christmas show
1 (more) move
329 miles driving to chicago to see my momma
2 hours to omaha
1 trip out west
countless beers


2009...

life as seen through a buggy windshield

673 miles gives one a lot of time to think

9 hours of trying not to reason my way out of turning around will have any one's mind looking for a reprieve

top 10 things i learned while looking through my bug splattered windshield...

10) Nebraska might be the worst state in the country to drive through - 1000 miles spent driving across that state will drive anyone crazy

9) they just breed bugs bigger out there...and maybe a little dumber as many an insect met an untimely demise slamming into my car at 80+ miles an hour

8) being able to legally go over 75 miles an hour is about the only redeeming thing in that state

7) there is just nothing more beautiful than driving west into the sunset

6) holy hell there are a lot of cows out there

5) sometimes the best music is the mix cd's you made in college and have not listened to in years

4) there is not a stretch of more than 30 miles without construction - while it is nice to be able to flow at 75+...don't plan on using your cruise control

3) the drive becomes a lot harder when you know there is a flight that would have gotten you there already

2) some people just really love their hot dogs...i actually saw a grown man cry when the lady at the flying j told him his hot dog would not be ready for another 10 minutes (who knew it even took 10 minutes to cook one of those bad boys)

and...

1) you were worth it...

9:09

its 9:08 in the morning

i could not sleep last night

i took a flying leap out of bed this morning without the assistance of my alarm clock telling me its time to wake up

i cant sit still

i can barely focus

i am watching the clock...9:09...counting down the minutes until 11:00

you said you could not wait to see me last night...and that made my heart smile

you still give me butterflies...you still make me weak...you still make my heart skip a beat

i said "i will see you tomorrow" last night...and there is nothing that makes me happier.

9:13...

i want to know whats in her head

my friends think i am crazy...
your friends think i am crazy...
my mom has no clue why i am doing this...
even your mom wants to know what is going through my head...

but i don't care...
i know what i am doing...
i know what i want...
and i know that what i want is to be in your arms...

am i crazy...silly...stupid...maybe

but i would be crazy, silly and stupid not to follow my heart...

testing the theory that "what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger"

my head hurts and my boss keeps asking me if i am alright...not alright with work but alright in general.

yes i am alright - i don't have any other choice but to be alright - what is the alternative? not alright...which means what?

in my conversation (with the one person who understands me and why i do what i do more than anyone else) yesterday, he made a very valid point.

my boss asks if i am holding up and if i have everything under control (and by everything i mean my shows and some of his on top of all my other work that is piling up)

what do i say...no...to which i would get...well - why cant you handle it...maybe this is not the right industry for you...why are you struggling to get everything done...do we need to talk about time management?

so i say yes...and work from home, or stay at the office until 8:00

its not like i have anything better to do at this point in time...

i miss you...i miss my family...i miss my best friends...my head hurts!!

an hour and a half into a conversation with two people who loath talking on the phone...

i long to be in your arms...to be wrapped in your embrace...to feel your smile as you hold me...to have you smell my hair and know that its one of your favorite smells...to be with you...to be a part of you...

if only for a moment...if only for this weekend - i simply want to be yours...

"meeting you was fate...becoming your friend was by choice...falling in
love with you was beyond my control"

sarcastic dinosaurs do exist

maybe one of the coolest things i have ever seen...baby t-rex (star of walking with dinosaurs:the live experience) is in dsm today.

aside from the obviously amazing creation - i can not even begin to describe to you the detail and thought that went into this thing - but the best part was the actor who was operating the dinosaur.

justin - who was inside controlling baby t - had us cracking up all morning as he brought baby t to life with funny comments, jokes, noises and animation - giving baby t a personality reminisicent of vince vaughn - i half expected him to start quoting lines from old school or wedding crashers

my favorite line from this morning (and please keep in mind i have been up since 4:30) was after kcci finished the live shot and told baby t he was done for a little while - he said - through the sound system in the suit - "i'll be in my trailer"

maybe it was the lack of sleep, maybe it was the entire situation, maybe it was just really funny...who knows - but i laughed!!

i know i'll see you again

i honestly believe that sometimes life gives you things that are worth it...no matter what "it" may be...


"distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. it's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. it's for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough"

sacrifice

ever really sat back and thought about what you have to sacrifice in life?

whether the sacrifice you make is to further your career, for the person you love or just simply because you don't have any other option...life is full of sacrifice

can you ever truly have it all - and if you can - do you every really want it.

i think everyone sacrifices something - no one has the perfect life - despite what they might say

its almost 6:00 on a monday evening and i am still sitting at work looking at my to-do list that seems to be exponentially growing at a rate even NASA cant seem to compute

the office is empty - it not technically our busy season yet - although someone should probably tell my list that

and my mind is wandering - where you might ask - well to the one place it has been for the past few weeks and to the sacrifice that i have made - keeping me away from the place my mind often ventures

caught between a rock and hard place - sure - but more than that -

so here i sit...
sacrificing my time with my family (twice a year on random holidays is hardly sufficient for a girl lists family as one of the most important things in her life)
sacrificing my sanity (as i watch this list grow - i might be slowly losing my mind)
sacrificing my financial comfort (i might love my job but i thought they outlawed slavery a while ago)
sacrificing my ability to have a normal (what is that) relationship (there is nothing i want more than to be with you - but i wont make that sacrifice)
sacrificing my eye sight (they have now turned the lights off and i have been staring at a computer screen all day - that cant be good)
sacrificing my social life (although i still seem to find time to get into a little trouble)

and for what...

it is what it is...and i knew getting into this that it would be far from conventional

on i climb until one day all my sacrifices mean i have taken over the world - or at least found some success on the way - and maybe the outcomes that make all my sacrifice worth it...

i loved her first...

"you will always be my little girl"

my father left a beautiful message on my voice mail. he and his wife are at a wedding and he was watching the new bride dance with her father.

i could hear him get a little choked up at the end as he told me how proud he was of me and how much he loved me and missed me.

i love you so much daddy!!

just another saturday

A classic saturday spent on a couch watching college game day as the buckeye (sort of) stomp on troy (where is that again), florida prompts most tenn fans to leave at half time, michigan state is currently beating nd and well iowa lost by one to pitt (never thought i would be cheering for anything from that city)

lets make it more interesting...

while most enjoy the standard beer and burgers (or hot dogs, brats, insert meat here) i spent my day drinking mimosas...a quick trip to pick up (brutally bad) champagne at $4.49 per bottle and orange juice from the local hy-vee produced an enjoyable buzz as i watched my buckeyes as they let troy compete for about a half before stepping up and playing like a big 10 (whatever that means) team should.

GO BUCKEYES!!

i will learn not to mind it

life has a funny way of turning out...sort of random but with a purpose

life challenges you, forces you to think, to change, to adapt, to grow, to fall, to love, to hate, to hurt, to cause pain, to crash and to burn - but mostly just to live.

so that it what i plan on doing - from today on (for no other reason than today seems like a good time to start) i will stop worrying, stop planning, stop wondering where life will take me. life is good - it could be better - but trust me, it could be worse.

i am happy - for now - for in this place - i am starting to find my way - and my way is leading me towards all the things i hope to one day accomplish - and towards the people who i want to be there when i finally do.

life gives you the tools to create the perfect master piece, the ideal creation, the coveted Requiem - but it is what you do with it that truly sets you apart. life also gives you critics and fans alike, learn from them - but also learn from yourself.