cheese and love...

for my beautiful and amazing friends abby...

thoughts on life and love from a littleperson in the book who moved my cheese

what would you do if you weren't afraid...

you have already taken the first step and moved out of your comfort zone...don't be afraid of what the world might put in your path


the quicker you let go of old cheese, the sooner you find new cheese...

he is the worst kind of old cheese...stinky, smelly and makes you sick...easier said than done - but you must let go of him to find new (and better) cheese

imagining myself enjoying new cheese even before i find it leads me to it...

it is only after you see that you deserve to be loved and adored as you are will you truly begin to see the new cheese you need in your life...

it is safer to search in the maze than remain in a cheeseless situation...

you are better off now that you are out searching for what makes you happy than staying in the situation you were in - that was not healthy for you or your self esteem.

keep your head up beautiful...

and one day...new cheese will come along and you will realize why it never worked with any other cheese...

i love you my beautiful friend

time flies...but not fast enough

one day down...three more to go...

so much to do - but who cares
so much to finish - but i cant even focus
already packed - can i leave tomorrow

i try not to wish days away - as they seem to go by fast enough on their own - but i want nothing more than the next three days to fly by!!

is it thursday yet?

i want to be your everything

25 reasons you have my heart...

25. you never let me get away with saying that i love you more
24. you southern accent that comes out when you don't think about it
23. your wonderful parents and the way they raised you
22. the year of challenges we went through to get to where we are today
21. your eyes
20. the way you smell my hair
19. hours or minutes spent on the phone - i just love hearing your voice
18. dog
17. you know what i am going to say before i even say it
16. football and good beer
15. how sexy you look when you shave your head
14. how sexy you make me feel
13. the amazing sex
12. that you know what you lost and fought to get it back
11. you let your guard down and let me in
10. your stone pants and purple shirt
9. wrestling
8. that you respect and embrace my independence
7. how safe i feel in your arms
6. the fact that i am willing to spend two months alone for the chance to spend three days with you
5. your passion for what you do
4. the love and respect you have for your family
3. that i can see myself having your children
2. your loyalty to your friends regardless of how near or far you are from them
1. that you spend everyday proving your love to me even though you know you don't have to

be an example

children learn what they live...
(by dorothy law nolte)

if children live with criticism, they learn to condemn
if children live with hostility, they learn to fight
if children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive
if children life with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves
if children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy
if children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy
if children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty

but...

if children live with encouragement, they learn confidence
if children live with tolerance, they learn patience
if children live with praise, they learn appreciation
if children live with acceptance, they learn to love
if children live with approval, they learn to like themselves
if children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal
if children live with sharing, they learn generosity
if children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness
if children live with fairness, they learn justice
if children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect
if children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and those about them
if children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live


how do you impact the lives of those around you - do you practice what you preach?

learn from me

on the off chance that spending a thanksgiving away from the people you love, alone and without turkey, mashed potatoes or cranberry sauce...my thanksgiving went from crappy to the worst day of my life in the blink of an eye...

lesson of the day class...
don't trust anyone...especially if it seems to good to be true.

people are evil, sleazy and slimy - at least some of them are

the worst part is that the more i tell the story the more retarded i sound...i cant even believe i fell for this...i thought i was a smarter person than this...but then this happens and it makes me doubt everything i thought i knew.

same story i am sure you have heard before...selling something on craigslist...it was a scam...and now i have no money in my bank account because the check was a fake and i wired money...

so you ask - why did you ignore the signs (i didn't see them i was so far in and not paying attention)
- why didn't you tell someone about it - no sane person would have let me do this - but its just not something i would have thought to talk to someone about
- at what point in time did this sound like it was a reasonable thing to do - honestly the scammer had a reason and a story for everything and i bought it

call me too trusting, call me naive, call me stupid - trust me i agree with every one of these sentiments...

but up until thursday i thought that there was good in people...i thought that people were not naturally evil and i never thought this would happen to me

a thanksgiving to remember...or at least one never to be forgotten...despite how hard i try

danger to myself

the past week has left me bruised, banged up and even bloody...all self inflicted (in case anyone was concerned)

take last sunday...cleaning the bathroom and (only i) manager to slice off the top of my finger on the new window...

monday morning...cold and frosty outside...heel slips out from under me...i slip on the steps outside the house and go crashing down and land on (my ass and) the underside of my forearm...a bruise and scrape that has gone from red to purple to a nice green and yellow color -

i make it through tuesday, wednesday and thursday before any additional injuries occur only to top off my week with the doozie...

friday was crazy...11,000 people, every major media outlet, only stop on the tour that has sold out...and i was in a hurry...tv station left alone in the lower level of the arena...and i am running to try to catch up with them...my heel gets caught in the hem of my pants and i go flying head over heel down 15 stairs...laying on the platform landing thinking that i am in a lot of pain but i have to get up because if my boss finds out the the station is alone in the building...my ass is grass (bruised or not) so i stagger to my feel...brush the dirt off my pants and try to collect myself before heading back out into the world. painful night, even more painful saturday spent on the couch unable to move the left side of my body which is quickly becoming one large black and blue patch...

call it what you will...i am not a graceful person...i never have been...but this was a week that i will not quickly forget. anyone know where i can find a nice padded room to call home for a while...

-crash

all smiles

you have no idea what you do to me
i sit still and try to focus and you are all that comes to my mind
i see myself with you and it makes me happy
i think of you and it makes my heart skip a beat
i hear your voice and it strips away everything else in my world that is wrong
i can spend hours on the phone and talk about nothing
i know you are the one
i know it is only a matter of time
i count down the seconds until i can see you again
i long to be in your arms, to feel your warmth, to kiss you

tomorrow marks one month until i am with you
tomorrow marks an eternity until i can be next to you
tomorrow marks time as it passes us by in the blink of an eye and it will be here

you say things like i love you more than you will ever know...
you tell me you want nothing more than to be with me...
you say it doesn't matter when, where or how but we will be together...
you tell me i am the one that makes you happy...

and i know in my heart...that i have found my true love

third times a charm...

really...you are going to give me relationship advice...

you with the failed marriages...
you who does not talk to me for more than a month...and seem to be fine with that
you who married her...
you who side with her...


fine you dont want me get hurt...
fine you dont want me to make the same mistakes

but catching up every two months does not even begin to give you the true insight into my life

you dont know him
you dont know how he makes me feel
you dont know how he loves me

i wont make your mistake...because when i make that commitment...its forever...not just until someone else comes along...

long days, stupid people and smiles

today was such an odd day...

go home...the work will be there tomorrow (true but so will all the other work that has to be done tomorrow)

why not stop at a completely green light, put your breaks on at every single street and almost cause an accident...sounds like just an average day in des moines

shawn johnson returns to her hometown for show, arena almost sold out, but we get tasha something or other (don't bother to look her up...you wont find anything) for our pr day...and they say we have stopped doing things to sell tickets...sure)

11,000 and falling...fourth year in the market, no title sponsor, event failing, crazy pr schedule but to no avail...this show is failing and its killing me because i don't fail

abc is launching a retro digital platform...really...so on the off chance i am in the mood for a little knight rider at 6:00 on any given night...i know where to turn to...even the a-team...watch out!!

forwarded email this morning...nothing but smiles...i love that you want to tell her how much you love me...how much you think of me...how much you want to be with me...i love that you know just as much as i do that you are the one...

creative ideas...you inspire me...you make me think...you help me keep my sanity...random emails with funny names...special little moments that make my day tolerable

best friends...truly blessed...i love that you love that i am in love...i love that you are all there for me (you know who you are) i love the questions...when would the wedding be...can we make sure its not in the winter...i want to be there and there is this big test that i cant move...would it be big...what would we wear...all this in the middle of the work day...something has to take me away....

to be four again...

my friend jilly sent me an email today with some of the responses given by 4-8 year-olds when asked what it means to love someone...

the answers will (pleasantly) surprise you and might even bring a tear to your eye...


'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.' - Rebecca- age 8

'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.' - Billy - age 4

'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.' - Karl - age 5

Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.' - Chrissy - age 6

'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.' - Terri - age 4

'Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.' - Danny - age 7

'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss' - Emily - age 8

'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.' - Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,' - Nikka - age 6 (we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)

'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.' - Noelle - age 7

'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.' - Tommy - age 6

'During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.' - Cindy - age 8

'My mommy loves me more than anybody...You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.' - Clare - age 6

'Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.' - Elaine-age 5

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.' - Chris - age 7

'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.' - Mary Ann - age 4

'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.' - Lauren - age 4

'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.' (what an image) - Karen - age 7

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross.' - Mark - age 6

'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.' - Jessica - age 8

And the final one...The best was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.
Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, 'Nothing, I just helped him cry'

the purity and innocence that exist in a child's eye gives me hope...we should all be so lucky to view the world through the eyes of a child!

short and sweet

Being in love is such an amazing feeling...

falling asleep with a smile...
waking up with a smile...
having my heart skip a beat when he says those three wonderful words...
now more than anything i know that i want to be with you forever...and even that might not be long enough

amazing!!

ode to my jilly and my attempt to be happy

in honor of one of the most beautiful and amazing girls i know (who also happens to be one of my best friends) i am going to take a moment and look at the things i enjoy about life (as i am trending on the negative right now)

26 things i like (in no particular order)


26. getting dressed up
25. my friends - i am blessed
24. hiding under my big blanket and falling asleep to the sounds of the rain
23. reading books that actually enlighten my outlook on life and the people who will discuss the books with me regardless of how many times i bring it up
22. history - and the fact that we are making history with this election and economic crisis- i wonder if my children will learn about this time in school like we learned about watergate, the great depression and jfk
21. my mother...she is the most amazing, independent and beautiful woman i know and i owe her so much
20. sushi (and white wine)
19. a long run
18. coffee with an obnoxious amount of french vanilla creamer
17. margarita and fajita night with scott
16. my grandparents and the fact that they have been married for over 50 years - it gives me hope
15. gracie lou, beinna and nikki
14. the smell of aveda products
13. being in your arms
12. katt williams dvds
11. a great pair of shoes
10. the talking stitch that sits at my desk
9. text messages
8. knowing that you think about me (a lot)
7. raw pillsbury crescent roll dough
6. a cold beer and a mushroom swiss burger from francies
5. being in love
4. a sweatshirt, sweatpants, ponytail and my glasses
3. spending a saturday by the pool in the middle of summer
2. amazing sex
1. the way you love the way i smell

Do they sell insurance for these sorts of things...

pardon my reference to a recent marketing campaign...but give me a break...i work in advertising...

you know that place where all i can do is laugh because if i actually stopped to think about everything going on in my life i would break down into tears, curl up in a ball and never face the world again and i need a vacation meet...i'm there

you know that place where i can't think about anyone else and i really wonder what the next step might be meet...i'm there

you know that place where i just want to go home, curl up on the coach and lose myself in law & order mini marathons (can you really call it a marathon if its on all the time) and i cant possibly have one more thing put on my plate meet...i'm there

you know that place where i know i want to spend the rest of my life with you and the next year seems like an eternity meet...i'm there

you know that place where spending time with friends seems to be getting farther and farther away and i am starting to wonder how important sleep really is meet...i'm there

when all is said and done...

at the end of the day

when i am laying in bed

and its (sort of) quiet

and i don't have to think about anything

and i try to push all the other thoughts from my head

and not worry about tomorrow

i think of you

i think of being in your arms

i think of how i would give anything to see you

i think of the next two months i have to make it through before i see you

i think of how things will work out

i think of when they will work out

i think of the future and know that i want you to be a part of it

i think of the past and all the times we took for granted

i think of this moment and know that i am strong enough to be away from you

i think of you and how much i love you

and i am happy...

the shadow of the day

i am annoyed...irritated...tired...stressed...i am sure there are other words...but i can't think of them right now (plays into that tired part)

i want to curl up into a ball and hide from the world...for no other reason than i would rather not face life right now

dramatic...maybe...but i am allowed to be dramatic every once in a while...or all the time...which seems to be an overwhelming (yet redeeming) quality of my chaotic personality

surprised by the happenings of the day...

shocked that it was just put out there like that...

questioning how it even came up...

wondering why you don't seem even the slightest bit bothered by it...

or maybe you are and i just don't know it yet...

its amazing how in life a non response sends your mind into a tizzy (what is a tizzy anyway)

what's that saying about "no news is good news" (does that even apply here)

i am not sure if you care...i am not sure i care...i am not sure what to think right now...

this is how my mind is running right now...

this is how my mind is working right now...

its 7:41 and i am still at work...maybe because i don't want to go home - boy is that an awkward place right now - but i will write it off as "we have dinos tonight" and rest on the idea that i would rather be here for 16 hours than face the rest of the world...

so much to do...no motivation to do it...

stupid things are starting to bother me...things i should not even let creep into my head...what is wrong with me today? snap out of it...or don't...but stop bitching about it at least...

life...random...

you probably want the few minutes of your life back that you spent reading this...eh...chalk it up to another disappointment

the end of the world?

it's d day...and the d stands for dinosaurs

this is the most intense show i have had the chance to work on - so many moving parts both figuratively and literally

i can't believe that its october 1
i can't believe that dinos is here already
i can't believe that we are going full speed ahead into our busy season

go dinos!

the knots you untie...

as september grinds to a halt and the end of the year seems to be about as inevitable as the browns having a less than winning season...i figured i would take a look at what the next three months will entail.

(as of october 1)

91 days...
14 weeks...
5,460 hours...
327,600 minutes...
6 pay checks
4 holidays
9 college game days...
13 NFL sundays...
8 walking with dinosaur shows
1 rock concert
3 days of arenacross
1 night of tumbling and awesomely bad disney channel music
3 days of food & wine
6 performances with mickey and co

1 very important addition to my "family"
4 dancing irishmen
1 rock christmas show
1 (more) move
329 miles driving to chicago to see my momma
2 hours to omaha
1 trip out west
countless beers


2009...

life as seen through a buggy windshield

673 miles gives one a lot of time to think

9 hours of trying not to reason my way out of turning around will have any one's mind looking for a reprieve

top 10 things i learned while looking through my bug splattered windshield...

10) Nebraska might be the worst state in the country to drive through - 1000 miles spent driving across that state will drive anyone crazy

9) they just breed bugs bigger out there...and maybe a little dumber as many an insect met an untimely demise slamming into my car at 80+ miles an hour

8) being able to legally go over 75 miles an hour is about the only redeeming thing in that state

7) there is just nothing more beautiful than driving west into the sunset

6) holy hell there are a lot of cows out there

5) sometimes the best music is the mix cd's you made in college and have not listened to in years

4) there is not a stretch of more than 30 miles without construction - while it is nice to be able to flow at 75+...don't plan on using your cruise control

3) the drive becomes a lot harder when you know there is a flight that would have gotten you there already

2) some people just really love their hot dogs...i actually saw a grown man cry when the lady at the flying j told him his hot dog would not be ready for another 10 minutes (who knew it even took 10 minutes to cook one of those bad boys)

and...

1) you were worth it...

9:09

its 9:08 in the morning

i could not sleep last night

i took a flying leap out of bed this morning without the assistance of my alarm clock telling me its time to wake up

i cant sit still

i can barely focus

i am watching the clock...9:09...counting down the minutes until 11:00

you said you could not wait to see me last night...and that made my heart smile

you still give me butterflies...you still make me weak...you still make my heart skip a beat

i said "i will see you tomorrow" last night...and there is nothing that makes me happier.

9:13...

i want to know whats in her head

my friends think i am crazy...
your friends think i am crazy...
my mom has no clue why i am doing this...
even your mom wants to know what is going through my head...

but i don't care...
i know what i am doing...
i know what i want...
and i know that what i want is to be in your arms...

am i crazy...silly...stupid...maybe

but i would be crazy, silly and stupid not to follow my heart...

testing the theory that "what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger"

my head hurts and my boss keeps asking me if i am alright...not alright with work but alright in general.

yes i am alright - i don't have any other choice but to be alright - what is the alternative? not alright...which means what?

in my conversation (with the one person who understands me and why i do what i do more than anyone else) yesterday, he made a very valid point.

my boss asks if i am holding up and if i have everything under control (and by everything i mean my shows and some of his on top of all my other work that is piling up)

what do i say...no...to which i would get...well - why cant you handle it...maybe this is not the right industry for you...why are you struggling to get everything done...do we need to talk about time management?

so i say yes...and work from home, or stay at the office until 8:00

its not like i have anything better to do at this point in time...

i miss you...i miss my family...i miss my best friends...my head hurts!!

an hour and a half into a conversation with two people who loath talking on the phone...

i long to be in your arms...to be wrapped in your embrace...to feel your smile as you hold me...to have you smell my hair and know that its one of your favorite smells...to be with you...to be a part of you...

if only for a moment...if only for this weekend - i simply want to be yours...

"meeting you was fate...becoming your friend was by choice...falling in
love with you was beyond my control"

sarcastic dinosaurs do exist

maybe one of the coolest things i have ever seen...baby t-rex (star of walking with dinosaurs:the live experience) is in dsm today.

aside from the obviously amazing creation - i can not even begin to describe to you the detail and thought that went into this thing - but the best part was the actor who was operating the dinosaur.

justin - who was inside controlling baby t - had us cracking up all morning as he brought baby t to life with funny comments, jokes, noises and animation - giving baby t a personality reminisicent of vince vaughn - i half expected him to start quoting lines from old school or wedding crashers

my favorite line from this morning (and please keep in mind i have been up since 4:30) was after kcci finished the live shot and told baby t he was done for a little while - he said - through the sound system in the suit - "i'll be in my trailer"

maybe it was the lack of sleep, maybe it was the entire situation, maybe it was just really funny...who knows - but i laughed!!

i know i'll see you again

i honestly believe that sometimes life gives you things that are worth it...no matter what "it" may be...


"distance is not for the fearful, it is for the bold. it's for those who are willing to spend a lot of time alone in exchange for a little time with the one they love. it's for those knowing a good thing when they see it, even if they don't see it nearly enough"

sacrifice

ever really sat back and thought about what you have to sacrifice in life?

whether the sacrifice you make is to further your career, for the person you love or just simply because you don't have any other option...life is full of sacrifice

can you ever truly have it all - and if you can - do you every really want it.

i think everyone sacrifices something - no one has the perfect life - despite what they might say

its almost 6:00 on a monday evening and i am still sitting at work looking at my to-do list that seems to be exponentially growing at a rate even NASA cant seem to compute

the office is empty - it not technically our busy season yet - although someone should probably tell my list that

and my mind is wandering - where you might ask - well to the one place it has been for the past few weeks and to the sacrifice that i have made - keeping me away from the place my mind often ventures

caught between a rock and hard place - sure - but more than that -

so here i sit...
sacrificing my time with my family (twice a year on random holidays is hardly sufficient for a girl lists family as one of the most important things in her life)
sacrificing my sanity (as i watch this list grow - i might be slowly losing my mind)
sacrificing my financial comfort (i might love my job but i thought they outlawed slavery a while ago)
sacrificing my ability to have a normal (what is that) relationship (there is nothing i want more than to be with you - but i wont make that sacrifice)
sacrificing my eye sight (they have now turned the lights off and i have been staring at a computer screen all day - that cant be good)
sacrificing my social life (although i still seem to find time to get into a little trouble)

and for what...

it is what it is...and i knew getting into this that it would be far from conventional

on i climb until one day all my sacrifices mean i have taken over the world - or at least found some success on the way - and maybe the outcomes that make all my sacrifice worth it...

i loved her first...

"you will always be my little girl"

my father left a beautiful message on my voice mail. he and his wife are at a wedding and he was watching the new bride dance with her father.

i could hear him get a little choked up at the end as he told me how proud he was of me and how much he loved me and missed me.

i love you so much daddy!!

just another saturday

A classic saturday spent on a couch watching college game day as the buckeye (sort of) stomp on troy (where is that again), florida prompts most tenn fans to leave at half time, michigan state is currently beating nd and well iowa lost by one to pitt (never thought i would be cheering for anything from that city)

lets make it more interesting...

while most enjoy the standard beer and burgers (or hot dogs, brats, insert meat here) i spent my day drinking mimosas...a quick trip to pick up (brutally bad) champagne at $4.49 per bottle and orange juice from the local hy-vee produced an enjoyable buzz as i watched my buckeyes as they let troy compete for about a half before stepping up and playing like a big 10 (whatever that means) team should.

GO BUCKEYES!!

i will learn not to mind it

life has a funny way of turning out...sort of random but with a purpose

life challenges you, forces you to think, to change, to adapt, to grow, to fall, to love, to hate, to hurt, to cause pain, to crash and to burn - but mostly just to live.

so that it what i plan on doing - from today on (for no other reason than today seems like a good time to start) i will stop worrying, stop planning, stop wondering where life will take me. life is good - it could be better - but trust me, it could be worse.

i am happy - for now - for in this place - i am starting to find my way - and my way is leading me towards all the things i hope to one day accomplish - and towards the people who i want to be there when i finally do.

life gives you the tools to create the perfect master piece, the ideal creation, the coveted Requiem - but it is what you do with it that truly sets you apart. life also gives you critics and fans alike, learn from them - but also learn from yourself.